#'you know the ones who think that balance is all that matters
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Love Drought. jude bellingham x fem!reader
🤍 summary: After his move to Real Madrid, Jude hasn’t been the same loving boyfriend you once had.
🤍 wc: 600+
🤍 warnings: y/n usage. I HATE IT. oh and angst! sorry guys 💕💕💕
🤍 yap! this is based on my current situation i fear 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ i swear this is the last time i’ll bring my ex into my work💔
🤍 my girls <3 EXTRA SPECIAL dedication to @hrts4havertz because she is jude’s wife i fear. and to @ar4ujos @halfwayhearted @iovepoem @joaoflms &&. @planetpedri
Flexibility was always something you were capable of. So when your boyfriend Jude signed a contract for a team in Spain, of course you agreed to make the move for him. You loved the beauty of Spain anyway and ended up residing in the heart of the country. Besides, if things didn’t work out, you would still want to live here. You had made new friends and gotten a better job than the one back in Germany — life was just better in Spain.
Until it came time for him to actually play for the team. With Dortmund, Jude was amazing at balancing both you and his career. But now at this higher-level club, it seemed like he had just pushed you aside and only worried about his new club. It was great that he was focused on making the team proud, but that left zero time for you. Whenever he was home (he was always out with his new teammates), he’d barely acknowledge you and brush things off. Your friends called it the “Madrid curse.” Once signing with the team, they brainwash you. Obviously it was a silly joke, but sometimes it lingered in the back of your mind. Was this club destroying your relationship?
You never brought it up because you didn’t wanna seem selfish. He’s focusing on his career, he’s doing big things! That’s amazing, is it not? If you brought it up, it’d just make you seem like a jealous girlfriend. Even if you kind of were.
It got to the point where dates didn’t happen either. Someone who used to try and take you out once a week now only glanced at you once a week, every other time getting ready for football or hanging out with his new football friends. It was all him, him, him. Never any time for you.
Okay, that’s fine. He’s trying to establish relationships with his new teammates. But what about the relationship he already had? The one with his loving and loyal girlfriend that moved across the continent for him? Why was there no time for her?
For the first time in ages, the two of you were sat on the couch together. You sat away from him, sitting in nothing but silence. He looked over at you, raising a brow.
“What’s the matter with you?” He asked, crossing his arms.
“Nothing,” you mumbled. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t seem too fine. Talk to me,” he responded, his body now turned and facing you.
You stared blankly at him, unsure if you really wanted to talk to him right now. You sighed, deciding communication was probably needed in this situation. “You barely have time for me anymore. I get it, you’ve joined a new club and you need to bond with your teammates. But do you really need to every night?”
He looked at you, almost as if he was going to laugh. “So you’re jealous of Vini, Aurélien, and Eduardo is what I’m hearing?”
“Jude, I’m being serious.” You looked at him, your face and body language very solemn.
“Okay,” he nodded. “Okay, hear me out. You get ready, dress and wear whatever you want however you want and I take you wherever you wanna go.”
You frowned saying, “You don’t get it. Weeks of craving your attention, and you think it’ll just be resolved by one date. It’s just gonna go back to the way it was afterwards.”
“Well what do you want me to do, Y/n? I’m trying here,” his voice raised a little, startling you. “I can’t make time for Madrid and you.”
Your face dropped, your heart going with it. If you weren’t upset then, you definitely were now. What did he mean by that? “So you could with Dortmund but you can’t now because it’s a slightly bigger club? You’re an asshole, you know that?”
“It’s a lot more draining with Madrid, Y/n. You don’t get it,” he shrugged.
“No, I get it. It’s fine, do what you wanna do. You’re gonna realize how good you had it when it’s gone.” You got up from the couch, grabbing your car keys off the coffee table and heading for the door.
Jude got up, ready to chase after you immediately. “Y/n, come on, we can talk about this. Y/n.”
You opened the door, shutting it behind you. Jude followed not too long after.
“Y/n, I’m sorry. Okay, that was a dickhead move. But you leaving doesn’t solve the problem,” he told you. He had a point, sure, but you were mad at him. No way he was gonna win. He was just worried about whether or not you’d be coming back. He loved you dearly, even if he wasn’t currently showing. You leaving upset with him destroyed him. The thought of something happening to you while you were still mad at him paralysed him. He didn’t know if he’d ever forgive himself if something happened.
“Okay, what?” You turned around.
“Come back inside,” he pleaded, his brown eyes begging with him.
Not giving in to his pleas you replied, “No. I can’t get a conversation with you and now you wanna talk. I’m done trying.”
“I know, I know, I fucked up. I didn’t mean what I said, I was just… saying stuff. I don’t want to lose you.” Your heart broke seeing his face, shattering into a million different pieces. Maybe he really wanted to try, or maybe this was just a manipulative move to get you to stay. Either way, you couldn’t help but feel awful. “Please just talk to me.”
You sighed, not responding but walking back over to him. And after a lengthy conversation, everything was okay again. It wasn’t like how it was before, but things were starting to look up. You two agreed to communicate more and take days off just to spend it with each other. After all this, it ended right where it started— the two of you sitting on the coach together, this time with you in his arms.
#jude bellingham#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham x fem!reader#jude bellingham x you#football#laliga#la liga#real madrid#england nt#sakashq
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contractual obligations
pairing: csc x f!reader | wc: 1.7k au: rival ceos, suggestive | warnings: none a/n: based on eunha’s @svtiddiess ask for my 101 drabble prompt game! // surprise i’m also turning this into a series bc i can heheheh (i am a slut for coups in a suit)
The conference room is tense, charged with the weight of years of rivalry. Seungcheol leans back in his chair, his fingers drumming against the polished wood of the table, eyes focused on you like a hawk. His posture is casual, but there’s a sharpness to his presence—his shoulders squared, his chin slightly lifted in that challenging, arrogant way you’ve always known. He’s not smiling, but there's something about his gaze that feels like a challenge. It’s a look you’ve become all too familiar with—a look that’s made you want to prove him wrong countless times over the years.
You’ve been in the corporate world long enough to know that every move matters—every word, every decision. The stakes today? High enough to change the entire balance of power between your companies. The air crackles with a tension that’s almost palpable, as if the room itself knows what’s at stake. You both lead competing tech conglomerates, giants in the industry, and for the past few years, it's been a constant battle for market dominance. But it’s not just business. No, it’s personal. You and Seungcheol go way back—back to university, back to the days when his arrogance rubbed you the wrong way, and you refused to let him get away with anything. Over the years, your rivalry evolved from petty arguments in class to fierce corporate wars, but the history between you two? It’s always there, lurking just beneath the surface.
Today’s meeting is supposed to be a discussion of a potential merger. Your company has made an offer, and while Seungcheol’s company seems interested, everyone knows it’s just a power play. The terms you’ve proposed have ruffled his feathers. You’re not here for collaboration; you're here to win. The glance you exchange with him speaks volumes—this isn’t just a business negotiation anymore. It's another battleground in your long-running war.
“Honestly,” Seungcheol starts, his voice smooth but carrying an edge, “I didn’t expect you to bring such a weak proposal to the table. Did you forget who you’re dealing with?” His words are a direct shot, aimed to provoke. His gaze lingers on the stack of papers in front of you, his eyes sharp, as though daring you to challenge him. He knows your company is doing well, but he's banking on you not being able to match his vision.
You glance up at him, your smile tight, but filled with all the quiet confidence you’ve perfected over the years. “Careful, Seungcheol,” you say, leaning forward, your voice low but cutting. Your fingers graze the edge of the table as you push yourself closer, and the air around you seems to thicken. “Why don’t you say that to my face?”
He leans forward as well, his lips curling into that infuriating smirk. “I was waiting for you to offer, darling,” he taunts, his eyes flickering to your lips as he speaks, his body language relaxed, but there's a subtle tension in his shoulders, a coiled readiness. “But now that you’ve made your move…”
“Don’t be so sure of yourself,” you snap, eyes flashing. “You’re not the only one who knows how to play the game.”
The tension in the room rises, thickening with every exchanged glance. Every word is a chess move, every gesture a challenge. You and Seungcheol have been like this for as long as you can remember—two people fighting for dominance in the boardroom, constantly testing each other, testing the limits of each other's patience. The room feels smaller now, suffocating, as if the air itself is charged with the history between you both.
You think back to college—those late nights after finals, when the stress of everything would hit you both at once. There were times when your arguments would escalate so quickly, fueled by frustration and alcohol, that you’d both end up drunk and tangled in each other’s sheets by the end of the night. The first time it happened, it was a blur—too many shots, too many harsh words. You’d fought over everything, your careers, your egos, and yet somehow, it had all led to a kiss, desperate and full of anger. It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t even a conscious decision—it was just... there. A moment of release, a way to escape the tension you’d built up over years of rivalry.
The next morning? Business as usual. You’d wake up, both pretending it didn’t happen, both burying it under layers of professionalism and polite indifference. No words, no acknowledgment—just another argument waiting to happen.
It happened more times than you’d care to admit. Every time, you’d both get too drunk, argue too fiercely, and fall into bed with each other. But then, just like that, you’d go back to being business enemies the next day, like nothing had ever changed. It was a cycle. A dangerous one.
But today, it feels different. The air is charged with something heavier, something you both can’t ignore anymore. There’s something in the way his gaze lingers on you now—something unspoken, something that hasn't been there before.
You stand up slowly, your heels clicking against the floor with precision as you walk toward him, each step purposeful, controlled. The sharp sound of your footsteps seems to echo in the silence of the room, heightening the anticipation. Your eyes lock with his, and you see the subtle shift in his expression—his jaw tightens, and his fingers curl ever so slightly against the table. The smirk falters, just for a second, like he can sense the shift in the air, but he doesn’t move. He’s waiting for you to make the next move, and he’s damn good at that—waiting, studying, calculating.
“You still think you can beat me at my own game?” Seungcheol asks, his voice dropping into something darker, more dangerous. His lips twitch, as if he's testing you, but there's an unspoken challenge hanging in the air.
“Not beat,” you murmur, voice barely above a whisper, the words slow and deliberate. “Outsmart.”
He looks at you, his gaze flickering from your lips to your eyes, and for a moment, you can almost see the walls he’s been building up between you start to crack. He doesn’t respond immediately, his lips curling into a grin that’s more of a challenge than a smile.
You stop in front of him, so close now that you can feel the heat radiating from his body, smell the faint trace of his cologne—a deep, earthy scent with hints of tobacco and cedarwood, warm and familiar, wrapping around you like a cloak. His body is a wall of muscle beneath the tailored suit, his breath steady but heavy as if he's trying to control the urge to lean in, to close the distance between you.
Your breath mingles with his, and for just a moment, the world outside the conference room seems to fade away. The tension between you two is palpable, so thick you could almost reach out and touch it. You lean in just a fraction, close enough to feel the warmth of his skin, the faintest brush of his hair against your cheek, but you stop, your lips hovering just shy of his. He stiffens, eyes widening as the distance between you seems to grow even though you're inches apart.
Your breath mingles with his, and for just a moment, the world outside the conference room seems to fade away. The tension between you two is palpable, so thick you could almost reach out and touch it. You lean in just a fraction, close enough to feel the warmth of his skin, the faintest brush of his hair against your cheek, but you stop, your lips hovering just shy of his. He stiffens, eyes widening as the distance between you seems to grow even though you're inches apart.
Without saying another word, you pull away slowly, your smirk teasing as you watch his eyes flicker with surprise, his lips parting to say something, but the words catch in his throat, his breath hitching as he watches you pull back. His eyes narrow with a flash of frustration.
“What—” He starts to speak, but you don’t let him finish.
He leans in, instinctively reaching for you, but you stay just out of reach, savoring the way his body tightens with the struggle for control. His gaze flickers with a wild, desperate heat, and you know exactly what he’s feeling—a challenge to his authority, his dominance, his carefully curated calm.
Without saying another word, Seungcheol reaches up and grabs your chin with a firm, almost possessive grip, his thumb brushing the delicate line of your jaw. He pulls you toward him, his lips pressing hard against yours in a kiss that’s rough, demanding, like he’s been waiting for this moment just as much as you.
Before you can fully process the move, he shifts, guiding you to straddle his lap, your knees settling on either side of his thighs. The sudden proximity is overwhelming—his chest presses against yours, his hands instinctively wrapping around your waist, pulling you flush against him. His breath is hot against your lips as he deepens the kiss, his mouth moving against yours with urgency, as though he’s been starved for this connection.
Your hands find their way to his shoulders, gripping him tightly as you kiss him back with just as much intensity, your body already responding to the heat of the moment. There’s no going back now—not with the tension between you both finally snapping, no more masks or barriers left. The years of rivalry, of suppressed desires, of everything that’s been left unsaid, all pour into this kiss. It's messy, it’s urgent, and it’s undeniable.
When you finally pull away, both of you breathless, his hands still on your hips, keeping you steady on his lap, the room feels quieter—almost like the world has momentarily stopped spinning. His lips hover near yours, and you can feel the pulse of his heartbeat beneath your fingertips.
“I—” He starts to speak, but you stop him, your lips brushing against his once more.
“Still think you can outsmart me?” you whisper, voice low and teasing, knowing full well that it’s no longer just about the game.
He smirks, his grip tightening around you, but the wild glint in his eyes says it all. “We’ll see, darling. We’ll see.”
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self growth pick a pile tarot reading
˚。☁️𝒃𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒂𝒇𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒔 .˚⊹₊ 🐇
During times like these where things move too fast and everything feels overly chaotic, it becomes clear that we all need our time to rest and to enjoy ourselves in the company of others. Loneliness is usually enjoyable when it's a choice, but sometimes it might not be the case. This reading is meant as encouragement for you to value what you bring to others and know what could be given to you. I understand how hard it is sometimes to have the time and energy to put into socializing, but hopefully there's something in here that makes you glad you put the effort on it.
{ plushie's found in @hauntedtoybox 's blog } {dividers by @cafekitsune & @kyejiz }
pile one pile two pile three
.‧͙˚ *༓ scroll down for the readings ⋆ִ ‧͙⁺˚
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૮꒰ • 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 •꒱ა ♡
KING OF WANDS
I think this card is really calling you out for not trusting your journey to prosperity. It seems to me that you doubt yourself due to not being traditionally successful or not having an easy to see abundance in your life. You are not entirely sure on why people rely on you so much, or what it is that they are drawn to. The warmth and the comfort others make you feel, the safety and the contempt, and the inspiration they give you, is a reflection of what you are naturally putting out in the word. It might not be intentional from you, but plenty of people are impressed by your virtues. Your creativity and your motivation are pretty contagious, people are drawn to you because your energy attracts abundance beyond material gains. A passionate individual like you, shines the most when it's possible to be mindful of others’ needs and expectations without making them the main reason why you are what you are. People look up to you in the same way you look up to them, so be careful when putting someone or something on a pedestal, idealization takes too much away from the humane beauty of individuals and their creations. Respect comes before admiration.
૮꒰ • 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 •꒱ა ♡
TEN OF DISKS
This is a really nice “sharing is caring” type of vibe. Generosity and solidarity are really important values to look for in any space. You are naturally altruistic and you want everyone to feel as comfortable and cared for as you feel. It's key that you can enjoy belonging to places where there's a sense of order that's not oppressive, but instead feels natural and coherent to preserve balance and unity. You need to be surrounded by people who share similar ambitions, values, ideals and short term objectives with you, as this is how you form the deepest connections and how you find confidence to build a life filled with contempt. Don't be afraid to ask for help, even if you are usually the one helping out others. It's very likely you are underestimating how equally altruistic and caring others are willing to be with you. And also, don't fall for unhealthy competitive behaviors affecting your energy. Everyone has their own merit, and nobody that's worth your time will try to force you into hierarchical dynamics. Embrace equity and cherish it as a source of power, this is the best way to ensure you and your loved ones are capable of experiencing success and fulfillment without it being overly demanding in a negative way.
૮꒰ • 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 •꒱ა ♡
STRENGTH
At this point in time it is necessary for you to surround yourself with people who understand your struggles and are willing to stand with you whenever you are facing adversities. Empathy and understanding are always valued, but you are in need of places where you can feel supported beyond emotional matters, you also need to nurture your ability to take action and grow alongside individuals wanting to better themselves. You might feel misunderstood from time to time, maybe your journey towards peace of mind and contempt being underestimated. I promise you there are places and people who share your struggles and also share your objectives, and there's also people who can comprehend the depths of your process. There's nothing wrong with wanting or needing support outside the spaces you already belong to as long as you value the effort from those who don't quite get it yet. Sometimes shared experiences are key for developing connections that feel nurturing, and sometimes they are not. I think it would be really positive for you to share your development process in places where everyone is on the same page or close enough. You have a lot to learn, but also a lot to teach.
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i love the a different kind of love fic! i was wondering if you could do something similar with their daughter coming home really upset because a kid was being mean to her at school about having two moms and billie and reader comforting her? something angsty/fluffy! thank you 🫶🏻
Home is Where We Heal
Word Count: 562
Warnings: Mild bullying, emotional distress, and mention of homophobia.
Summary: When their daughter comes home upset after being bullied at school for having two moms, Billie and her partner comfort her, reminding her of her worth and that love is always stronger than ignorance. The story balances angsty moments with heartwarming reassurance, showing the family’s unconditional love.
a/n: I’m so glad you loved A Different Kind of Love!! ❤️
The front door slammed shut with a force that made the house feel smaller. Billie and you, who were cooking in the kitchen, shared a glance. A moment later, your daughter’s voice rang out from the hallway—choked, angry, and on the verge of tears.
“I hate it here.”
Billie wiped her hands on a dish towel before quickly walking toward the source of the voice. You followed closely behind. There, standing at the edge of the living room, was your daughter, a middle schooler now, her backpack discarded at the door. Her face was flushed, not with the usual excitement of returning home, but with a frustration that cut through the air. Her eyes were red, but she hadn’t let the tears fall yet.
“Hey, baby, what happened?” Billie asked, kneeling to her level.
Your daughter crossed her arms tightly. “Nothing,” she muttered, looking away, as if she could hide behind the words. “I’m fine.”
You sighed softly, exchanging a glance with Billie. Both of you knew that tone well. It was the kind of ‘I’m-fine-but-really-I’m-not’ voice that came when something was too big to explain.
“You don’t have to lie to us,” you said gently, walking up to your daughter and resting a hand on her shoulder. “You’re upset, we can tell.”
Billie’s voice was quieter, more soothing now. “We’re not going anywhere. Just talk to us, okay?”
A few seconds passed before your daughter’s lip quivered, and the dam broke. She looked up, her eyes brimming with tears. “Some kid at school… they called me a freak. They said I’m weird because I have two moms, and… and that I’ll never be normal.” Her voice cracked as she stumbled over the words. “I don’t want to be different anymore. Why can’t we just be like everyone else?”
Billie’s heart broke in her chest. Without thinking, she pulled your daughter into her arms, holding her tightly. You stepped in behind her, wrapping both of them in a comforting embrace.
“Hey, hey,” Billie murmured softly into your daughter’s hair. “That kid is just ignorant. You’re perfect just the way you are, you know that, right?”
Your daughter shook her head. “It’s so hard, Mom… sometimes I just wanna be like the other kids. No one at school gets it.”
You gently cupped her face in your hands, wiping away the few stray tears that had escaped. “Sweetheart, we’re different, and that’s okay. You’re special. And as for that kid—well, they’re not important. People say mean things when they don’t understand. You have us, and we’re gonna always have your back, no matter what. And Billie’s right—you’re perfect just the way you are.”
Billie let out a small sigh, squeezing your daughter a little tighter. “We’ve all had people say things about us that weren’t true, baby. But those things—they don’t define you. You’re our daughter, and you’re amazing, just the way you are. I promise you, there’s no one like you. And that’s something to be proud of.”
Your daughter nodded slowly, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. The weight on her shoulders seemed a little lighter now. “I just don’t want to be alone, you know? What if people don’t want to be my friend because of who I am?”
Billie smiled softly, her hand gently stroking your daughter’s hair. “You’ll find your people, baby. And if anyone ever tries to make you feel small again, you know who you have to remind you how big you really are.” She pulled back just enough to look into her daughter’s eyes. “We love you more than anything. And nothing, no matter what anyone says, will change that.”
You stepped forward, giving Billie a soft look before turning your attention back to your daughter. “So, what do you say? Want to sit down and watch a movie? Or we can talk more, whatever you need.”
Your daughter hesitated for a moment, glancing up at both of you. “I think… I think I could use a hug right now.”
Without missing a beat, you both pulled her in again, enveloping her in a world where she was safe and loved. For now, that was all that mattered.
#billie eilish blurb#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish fic#billie eilish x fem!reader#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish x y/n#billie eilish x you#billie eilish fluff#billie eilish imagine#wlw blog
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that was us
abby tears her rotator cuff and doesn't get her range of motion back after the surgery and rehab. she quits swimming.
one of her friends is going through med school and they go out together sometimes, and there's a rotating group of first responders who come out with the residents because they've gotten to know each other at the hospital.
she's not really in a partying mood, and sometimes she can drift to the back of the group and talk with the tall firefighter who looks as awkward as she feels. they spend an entire evening dissecting love actually and debating if die hard can be seen as the sequel where alan rickman's character finally gets what he deserves.
she tries training other swimmers. but some of them are the people she competed with, the rest are babies, and other than "you really shouldn't exceed the coach's orders on practice time" and "maybe don't go to a roller rink when you're not great on rollerskates", she doesn't have much to teach them. they've already got their forms down, and while she can hold their arms in the proper positions, she can't show it to them in the pool without aching for the rest of practice. the doctors warn her that if she keeps trying she might end up with more damage.
she gets a receptionist position. it's fine. it's boring. she learns how to balance a company's books and how to direct visitors to the correct office.
she and the firefighter (tommy) spend two months at the bar debating the 1995 bbc pride and prejudice.
she quits her job. abby says she wants to do something that means something. a friend of her friend looks at abby and suggests she tries dispatch. what the hell. it's three months of training. it's not like she's getting roped into eight years of med school.
the first time she's able to help someone at dispatch it feels like winning a race.
she asks tommy if he wants to grab a coffee.
it's really easy to talk to tommy. they recommend books to each other, go to the movies a lot. they date casually. abby's not sure she wants something serious right now. they spend weeks hitting up every small hole in the wall they can find.
abby offers to bring tommy lunch at the fire house. his face does something complicated and he admits that his captain isn't a great guy. tommy would rather keep abby away from him.
she tells him if it gets worse he should try and switch houses.
tommy finishes his probationary year and takes abby out to the fanciest restaurant she's ever been to. they both hate it and end up grabbing a burger on the way home.
they're not living together but they are spending almost every night together. abby gets a lead on a gorgeous apartment fifteen minutes away from dispatch. tommy and his friend sal help her move all her furniture in. tommy's lease was renewed before she found out about the apartment, but he's over so much it barely matters.
the family introduction goes well. he charms her mother and her brother thinks he's pretty great, choices in sports teams aside. three months after she moves into her new place, tommy makes her dinner and proposes.
(it's so much better than the fancy restaurant.)
she catches him looking at houses. it's just a thought he has, finding a place that needs to be fixed up. maybe he keeps it, maybe he sells it later, but there are so many places around town that just need a little love to be good again.
the housing market crashes in the recession and tommy finds a small two-storey place that's closer to the harbor station, which is when abby finds out that tommy wants to fly again, he's just waiting for a spot to open.
she thinks that's much safer than running into burning buildings, but she doesn't say that out loud.
he signs for the house the next day, and abby starts looking at paint chips. she's not much for do it yourself, but she knows how to paint a mean wall. it's an older house and she does research about what colours were common when they were built, knows that tommy wants to preserve the original house as much as possible.
she's priming the newly drywalled living room when there's a loud curse from down the hall and the sledgehammer tommy is using to tear down the kitchen crashes into the wall.
his captain tanked tommy's transfer to harbor.
tommy's miserable. she doesn't know what to say to make it better, because there is no way to make that better.
abby knows what's coming when he sits her down a few weeks later. (if he hadn't, she was going to.) she leaves the ring on the kitchen island. it's the only thing that survived the sledgehammer. part of her wants to ask for updates on the house. the rest of her knows a clean break is better.
"i really hope you get what you need."
and that's that.
part two
#abby clark#tommy kinard#abbytommy#“but what if the relationship was when they were both much younger” i said to myself#“why did abby quit swimming” i said to myself#“what about tommy's house” i said to myself#fic#pre-canon#writing harbour without the u was torture thanks
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YEONJUN: “I’ll just keep trying till I make it”
TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Star Chapter: SANCTUARY comeback interview
2024.11.15
Let’s hear from the idol who has “nothing to fear” and who’s only grown stronger as he “hit it over and over down down down”: YEONJUN.
What’s it like getting ready to promote with the group again after doing promotions solo for your mixtape? YEONJUN: It put me at ease, honestly. (laughs) When I was working on “GGUM,” I was like, “Gahh!” having to take part in everything on my own, but when it’s with the group, I’m with them. But then it made me wonder if I wasn’t doing as much as I did for “GGUM.” Whenever I felt that way, I tried not to fall short. I kept reminding myself to work just as hard because our group album is more important—so I wouldn’t lose that.
I heard you were focused on your diction and the rhymes while working on “GGUM.” What were you mainly focused on for the new album? YEONJUN: My tone. Like having an overall light and airy voice, maybe? For “Heaven” and “Resist (Not Gonna Run Away),” I tried to make my voice dense and strong, and on “Higher Than Heaven,” for the line, “I’ll take you,” I imagined being able to hear the excitement in my voice and then sang it that way. I have a feeling MOA will really love this album, so I’m really excited. It has a completely different vibe from “GGUM”.
You also contributed lyrics for both “Heaven” and “Danger.” YEONJUN: Right after finishing the lyrics for “GGUM” and going, “Done! Sent it in today!” I jumped straight into “Heaven.” I wrote a lot of lines in the chorus, like, “heaven isn’t far, it’s now,” “the instant our lips touch,” “as long as you’re there, it’s heaven,” but it was really hard. “GGUM” is all about my own view, you know? So writing lyrics for the album was way harder than for “GGUM”. (laughs)
The lyrics to “Touch” (ft. YEONJUN of TOMORROW X TOGETHER) are interesting too. I felt like they really showcased the real you, like how you love food and watch lots of movies—a kind of condensed summary of what you’ve always said about yourself. (laughs) YEONJUN: Exactly. (laughs) And I used the word “ghosting” because we have a song called that. There’s also “YJ” from “GGUM,” which is there in the intro to the “Touch” remix, too. Our producer Slow Rabbit was the one who came up with the idea to put “YJ” in, and he got all excited and was like, “Let’s put ‘YJ’ in again!” (laughs) I liked that. When I heard it, it felt like it’s my signature now. And you know how we sing together from the pre-chorus all the way to the last chorus? That wasn’t actually part of the plan—it got added in after recording. Just a little behind-the-scenes tidbit for you there. (laughs)
That makes me think of how you said you wanted to show more of yourself as an artist, starting with “GGUM.” What does that side of you look like exactly? YEONJUN: I’d say someone who sets trends. I see myself as someone who can make anything work. When it comes to music, at least, I want to try out a ton of different things, and sometimes I want to convince MOA of that by trying new things like that. I think, like, How will it help my music if I don’t explore musically or take any risks?
I see you’re aiming even higher when it comes to music. YEONJUN: I’m always thinking about how important it is to make sure the music tells our story, whether it’s with the group or on my own. I’m the kind of person who wants to be recognized for my continued work in the field and I’m really driven to do a good job. My mindset has always been, no matter what I’m doing, I’ll just keep trying till I make it. And I think that’s really important. Putting my story into the music is always going to be a tough task, but it’s a good challenge. I want to keep dreaming big.
Is that why you wrote on Weverse that you’re happy with your work–life balance? (laughs) You’ve been really busy this year with all the touring, your first solo mixtape—GGUM—and working on a new mini album. YEONJUN: I was overflowing with excitement every single day I was working on GGUM. I actually get anxious when I have some downtime. I was working on the mixtape, getting ready to promote with the group, and featuring on “Touch.” Crushing it all made me feel like I’m at peak life and productivity. I was secretly proud of myself—like, I’m straight fire! (laughs)
And even with all that going on, you streamed an Essence of Dance🦊 on Weverse LIVE. That isn’t exactly the easiest kind of stream, either, given you have to have everything memorized and dance on the spot. YEONJUN: Right. (laughs) But MOA’s always waiting. I already said I’d do it, but it kept getting pushed back because I had other obligations, and even still, MOA was so understanding, and it just made me feel even sorrier. So I ended up squeezing it in after deciding I should do it before “GGUM” came out, even if it was short. I usually keep at it until I’m happy with it, but I was so physically drained that day, unfortunately. (laughs)
You must have felt really proud when “GGUM” finally came out after all you went through. YEONJUN: I knew it was the one the second I heard it. It’s hip hop but has a pop feel, and it’s sexy and mysterious at the same time. It feels really multilayered. It made me happy to see people all over social media covering my song and the dance moves. Even my friends used the gamja-ggang joke on me, and they’re never like that. (laughs) I thought, Whoa, they know my song? Every single reaction was great. And hearing MOA chant my name that loud and clear—like, “Choi Yeonjun! Choi Yeonjun!”—was amazing. Now I have even more things I want to say through my music and more musical styles I want to try, and I love my work even more now. I’d say it’s a combination of, “it was really fun,” and, “it’s exhilarating,” but at the same time, “I’m not fully satisfied yet,” maybe? (laughs)
Why aren’t you fully satisfied? YEONJUN: I tried a lot of new things with the group and with “GGUM,” obviously, but I think there’s still more I haven’t tried yet. I’m a big rock fan, for example. I’ve done a lot of pure, emotional rock with TOMORROW X TOGETHER, but if the chance comes up, I want to try some really hard rock, like, “Let’s tear it up!” When I was working on “GGUM”, I started thinking about trying an R&B ballad, too. There’s different subgenres even within hip hop and R&B, and I want to try the ones I’ve never done before. I really just want to try a wide variety of things.
In the ‘YEONJUN’s Mixtape: GGUM’ MAKING FILM making-of trilogy, you were open about the struggles you experience as an artist. Even though you always work in front of the camera, wasn’t it still a lot of pressure to document the whole process? YEONJUN: I actually feel that I need that pressure to give me that extra push. In my everyday life, I try to keep things chill—put on some chill music, watch movies, eat—but when I’m working, pressure motivates me. (laughs)
Is that what let you send in your rough lyrics for the first verse of “GGUM” without any hesitation? You didn’t seem worried about getting feedback. YEONJUN: I used to feel a lot of pressure, but I think my personality has changed a lot. It’s inevitable that the lyrics will be rejected more often than approved when I send them over, to be honest, so it’s better to just send them right over and get the feedback back quickly to get rewriting. That’s why I don’t feel pressure about feedback anymore. I don’t find the whole, “No good? Okay, I’ll give it another shot,” thing hard anymore. (laughs) If it were before, and things didn’t go my way or something stressful came up, I’d be distracted by thoughts all day, but now I just take a deep breath and say, “It is what it is.” Kinda like TAEHYUN? (laughs) That’s exactly what TAEHYUN says.
Your MBTI changed too, didn’t it? YEONJUN: Yes, it did. Actually, it’s always been the case that, whenever I do an MBTI test, sometimes I get a type N and sometimes a type S. But then I kept getting ENFP for the longest time and that didn’t sit right with me somehow. I always thought I was sort of imaginative, so it made me think I was still a type N! (laughs) But when I took the test again recently and still got a type S, I was like, I guess I just changed. Now I can acknowledge that I changed, and that’s kind of a weight off. (laughs)
You said you used to be the kind of person who couldn’t show anything that wasn’t fully polished. I guess that’s also changed, seeing as you made the process behind your mixtape public. YEONJUN: Hmm … True. The promotional period’s all wrapped up now, and I wanted to show people how I might’ve been lacking at first but that I’ve slowly grown since then. MOA usually only ever sees our highlights, really. I wanted to give as much of a glimpse as possible into my work behind the scenes, like pitching ideas for concepts and finalizing the choreography with everyone. I also wanted to show how it wasn’t just me but all the staff putting in so much effort and how we all worked together to make the most amazing thing we could. I feel like the staff cooks the whole meal perfectly and I’m just there to set the table. I think it’s our responsibility to tell people about how much hard work the staff puts in and make sure they get the credit they deserve.
You also mentioned in another interview with Weverse Magazine last year that you never want to forget that you can’t take anything for granted. YEONJUN: That’s a mindset I plan to cling to until the day I die.
Is there a reason why it’s so important to you to stay humble? YEONJUN: Is that being humble? It seems obvious to me that you can’t take anything for granted. I really stress that a lot when I talk with the other members: We should never take this lifestyle for granted. We also have to be thankful. We get way more than we deserve.
Then I guess that’s why, in the MAKING FILM, you said, “They were like, ‘There’s gonna be a lot of pressure and you’re gonna be really busy.’ As soon as I heard that, my heart started pounding.” YEONJUN: Oh man. I guess I’m just destined to be an idol. (laughs) I used to think I had a really weak mindset—like, bad—but now I think it’s good? (laughs) Everyone goes through rough patches. Me, I’ve practically collapsed while promoting and felt frustrated before. Endless torment and pressure have crushed me many times. That’s the reason I thought I just had too weak of a mindset to be an idol, but after I “hit it over and over, down down down,” I toughened up, you know? (laughs)
Before shooting the music video for “GGUM,” you recorded yourself, pretending the camera’s MOA and getting some things off your mind, expressing how you were feeling anxious and afraid. Talking it through on Weverse could’ve been an option, but you seem more like the kind of person who likes to deal with things yourself. YEONJUN: Yes, that’s true. I used to be the kind of person who would turn to others immediately, but I worry I’ll become overly dependent on them. I thought that constantly talking about having a hard time was making me weaker. I was also worried that the other members or my family especially would feel concerned or that I’d be placing a burden on them if I opened up to them, so I started to bite my tongue. I think I should just know how to deal with problems myself. Sometimes I think I’m no good or hate myself, but I try to love myself. I mean, I have to.
But in “GGUM”, you sing that you’re “not alone, got ma team by my side.” The whole group was there to support you at the music video shoot, in the practice studio, and at the pre-recording. YEONJUN: I really felt those lyrics. I realized I’m really not alone—that I really do have my team at my side and a whole army to back me up that I can rely on. That was my first time shooting alone for that long and it made me feel a little lonely. I could really feel the group’s absence, but I was so grateful to them and so touched that they kept coming by periodically to boost my spirits, even though they were all busy with their own things. And Huening coming by himself, just grabbing a taxi and coming by with dakgangjeong, was so sweet of him. It was so thoughtful. I really appreciated it.
Just like you said in the MAKING FILM : The group comes first. YEONJUN: The group always comes first, no question. The group comes first in everything.
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You remember when dick was in space (for the first time with the new teen titans) because komand’r took Kory back and they needed to save her? And you remember how he understood it was a war they were fighting and that they needed to do what they had to in order to survive it? And how when Gar told him he needed to control Kory, dick wondered if he even should try to stop her from killing her sister? And how he literally killed to save her (there’s some deniability but he’s literally hitting them with lasers described as deadly right in the head)? I do.
#something about dick doing this and understanding it’s war and war doesn’t always give you the choice to follow a moral code if you want to#live through it and make sure the one you love make it through too#and something about the change when the scenario called for it being oh so#similar to how Kory tried to pause her own teachings and relationship with combat while on earth#then despite knowing this was the type of battle Kory was raised for#the series had dick talking about how she was becoming more barbaric#and uncontrolled at times#when I think it would have been a much more interesting if they#instead chose to explore dick and Kory’s relationship with this “switch” or coming of age discovery + assimilation side by side#kory learning the balance of her heritage (she is tamaranian no matter what ) and her new life (she’s on earth and the battle there is#not the same solar system wide war she was raised to fight. The things she was taught are true for her home and her people but this is a#new home for her. a new beginning. a new life with new family. She is tamaranian and always will be but for now she’s on earth)#dick leaning to balance his past ( Bruce was his mentor and guide. he taught morality and ethics and all but gave him a what should you do#Guide during their years working together) and who he wants to be#(he’s not Bruce and what Bruce needs or thinks necessary doesn’t always ring true for dick too#he’s stepping into being his own man and part of that is forming his own views and opinions separate from his parent/mentor. Bruce will#never kill or let someone die if he can stop it. but dick? should he step in front of a bullet for a murderer over insuring someone else’s#safety first? his teammates? his families? he doesn’t know if that’s the kind of man he wants to be)#dc#dickkory#anyway#:)#does this make sense to anyone but my 5am running on two hrs of sleep brain#something about both of them being taught something by strict instructors#(the war lords and the bat)#and them learning#as all people have to#that most things are situational#new scenarios call for new things
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henry telling joel the story of how he informed fedra about the leader of the resistance so he could get the medicine he needed to save sam, and seeing joel's entire face and demeanour change as he starts to understand who henry is and how similar they both are. joel initially not trusting henry because he's a rat, but once the full context is given to him, he tells henry it's not fair on him for so many people to want him dead for what he did. joel not questioning why henry would betray so many people for his brother, because he knows he would do exactly the same thing in his place. henry DIRECTLY making joel ask himself the question "what is more important: the world, or the one person you love? your honour, or your family? when it comes down to it, how many people will you hurt to make sure she's safe?", and you can just see that joel immediately knows the answer.
#if bill was there to make joel realise his purpose as a protector#henry is there to make joel painfully aware of the lengths he must go to to fulfil that duty#and only AFTER this conversation may i add does joel start trusting henry unquestioningly#because he knows who henry is now. he knows theyre exactly the same#and no matter what he can rely on him to keep these kids safe. theyll both do whatever it takes#god help ANY motherfuckers who stand in our way#< the way THAT has become one of the thesis statements of the show btw. thank you bill#anyways i think this episode was a bit anticlimactic in terms of dramatic stakes#but the narrative throughline. joels character development. ellies friendship with sam#it all balances out#if nothing else this show is fucking NAILING the character beats#tlou#the last of us#tlou spoilers#meta tag
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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What if… Suiren in Vaatu’s colours 😳👀
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#Kat once said. and I quote – ‘Suiren would look really good with Vaatu’s colours. you can’t argue because I’m right’#so here I am. not arguing and instead giving the people what they want#because SHE DOES look good in Vaatu’s colours#don’t get me wrong I love her in her usual blue. but the red & black just does something to my brain#lmao I’m picturing her fusing with Vaatu and getting like a magical girl transformation 😂😂😂#okay not really but. if Vaatu could fuse with Unalaq to become… whatever the fuck that thing that sometimes appears in my nightmares was#then he could definitely dye her dress a different colour if he wanted to. okay? okay#and he’d zap her fire nation bracelet into a water tribe one bc it’s important to balance the colour scheme 😤#(for the record this wouldn’t actually happen in universe I’m just messing around)#this AU is just way too fun to play around with. yes I will make my already badass OC into an overpowered Mary Sue who replaces the mc#what are you gonna do about it?#I can’t stop drawing stuff for it#focusing literally only on the fun silly goofy parts because there’s enough heavy stuff in other verses AND irl already#maybe I just want family shenanigans mixed in with a rewrite of LoK’s shitty politics? have you ever thought about that?#is that such a crime?#and most of all. this makes me happy and I like to indulge in it. and enjoying creating is already so rare for me#so as long as this AU keeps being enjoyable for me I’m gonna keep at it no matter what anyone says#avatar suiren is my little self indulgent concept that I came up with when I was 13 and waited far too long to do something with#so now I’m making up for all those years#sue me :)#(is it just me or have I been saying ‘sue me’ way too much recently. idk. my mom’s a lawyer* that porbably has something to do with it)#(*has a law degree but never once used it. why the fuck would she get one when she already has an accountant’s degree? hell if I know)#anyway random side ramble about my mom’s life story aside#what colour do you think a balanced avatar’s eyes would turn when they go into the avatar state?
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I have so very much to catch up on, my sincerest apologies, seriously— there's been mental madness going on behind the scenes, including this weekend. Please, let December be the month where normality starts and stays.
And on a more IC note, I often talk about solitude and isolation (and its origins in a very specific kind of loneliness) that is chosen and accepted, but I don't know if I ever talk about what that looks like exactly, and why, quite frankly, it's a little... for lack of a better word, concerning. Do me a favor, if you're in Genshin, turn your clock to nighttime, then go out into any of the cities, villages, camps, footholds and look up, no matter the nation you're in. How many characters are able to do that, and see a night sky that is nothing but void of any and all bounds and limitations? How many of them see that endless array of stars that illuminate it, and how many feel the cool fresh air that tickles their skin? For many, they can leave the four walls that house them, and experience that sight and sensation, because all of us to an extent, crave that. And honestly, so can Yelan— but she also, if not more often so, chooses to see something else. And the unusual concept of choosing that, is a driving force to my decisions for her and why I deem them so incredibly important: it's about the state of mind, it's about the mental that drives her.
On many days and nights especially, this is what she sees, and this is only if she doesn't descend further into the Chasm (which we know that she does), closer to the Abyss and to the Celestial nail itself that rests at its heart. And yes, it is beautiful in its own way, a pathway illuminated by the light of the moon and the nail, but it's also a cruel reminder of just how far the surface, and humans that live there (that she is by all accounts a part of, of course), are. But then, when she returns her gaze to the ground, her surroundings are void of light and dare I say, void of hope. The Chasm isn't just one of the places where you can get the closest to the Abyss, but it also consists of ruins of more than just one civilization. We see glimpses of Khaenri'ah (which we explore more closely through Dain's quest), but we know there is 'fauna' down there, even deeper, that is referenced as belonging to an even more ancient civilization that predated it. The Chasm is surrounded by reminders of death, ruin, and in that, it feels as if it's the direct foil of the world above it. The Chasm was almost the end of Liyue five-hundred years ago during the fall of Khaenri'ah, just as it had, apparently, once been to a civilization before it (please remember, the impact of the meteorite/fallen star that created the Chasm occurred roughly 6000 years ago), and its creatures wouldn't have stopped at its borders. The Chasm is the engulfing darkness in direct opposition to the light of life overhead, and the hope that humanity holds in the palms of its hands. It's dark, it's grim, and it's cold in more ways than one (See one, two, three, four).
And this place is a choice that Yelan makes to venture to and stay in, yes, yet calling it a choice is where it gets so interesting. Once upon a time, long before she got her vision, she was part of a team that surveyed the surroundings of the Chasm, and like many others before them that have descended into it, all members of this team, excluding her, died. The circumstances aren't clear, but following Yelan's line to Ning, I'm lead to believe that the Chasm's surroundings, which are all rather clearly threats to non-vision holders in specific (which Yelan also was at the time), were directly responsible for their demise. I'll note my hypothesis on what could have happened to them in a different post in the future, as I don't want to go far off-topic, but despite having likely witnessed what occurred to them, seeing the ruins of the Chasm, the threat of the Abyss and barely understanding what the Abyss even is, she continues to venture down there because the possibility of what could happen to the people of Liyue, is more important than her own existence and/or survival. And this bears even more weight following the events of Perilous Trail part 2, where she witnessed just how much the Chasm is capable of. Is this walking engima of a woman also drawn to equal or greater mystery than herself, much like a moth to a flame? I think that's part of it, but I definitely think it's infinitely more multi-layered.
Mostly, I think that this plays into the heart of what Fontaine has shown us that 'hydro' seems to represent: it's not merely a sense of responsibility (and/or justice) or selflessness, but a semblance of self-sacrifice either during the duration of one's life or at its end, either literally or figuratively. But keeping that in mind, what I really want to shine a spotlight on, is what kind of self-sacrifice seems to be the case with Yelan, and the way in which she seems to not just be at peace with it, but has truly accepted it almost as something akin to normality. And more importantly, note how this isn't normal behavior. An acceptance of solitude in such depressing surroundings is incredibly saddening, because it's not something that we ever crave by any means or should ever come to crave. Any regular individual, even most vision-holders surely, would find what she does insane to some extent. And yet, she walks the depths of the Chasm, of all places, with a similar routine as a Millelith guard patrols the outskirts of the harbor. Regardless of her clear reason for it— god, I have difficulty explaining what I'm trying to say; how does someone get to a point where they no longer do something so depressing out of necessity, but because it's... normal? That's her. The Chasm isn't... as eerie to her as it is to others, even if she knows better than most what these surroundings are; the Chasm it isn't as dangerous, even if she knows that it is and it's why she's there in the first place, to her as it is to others. Perhaps it's simply an acceptance that regardless of its dangers, that her fate lies in those depths as it did for her ancestors, that the Chasm's ruins will include her own legacy one day. But again, how does one come to terms with that? How do you come to make the decision that you will sacrifice yourself for others, especially when it means resigning yourself to a place like the Chasm, a place that is home to a pathway to the Abyss, which inherently holds the power to drive mortals to madness and death. Many wouldn't do this, or rather, many couldn't do this, not until they had no other choice and even then, think of Boyang, and even Bosacius, granted the latter had lost his mind by then. And that's where I think she's unique, because she technically has a choice, unlike individuals like Xiao whose... direct 'responsibility' and contract it is to do what he does. She could walk away tomorrow if she willed it, but she doesn't. Yes, responsibility plays into it, but the Chasm really hits differently when you tie it into that.
Now, I do need to note that I firmly stand against any believe that she a death wish or is thoroughly depressed. She isn't going down there over and over because she seeks an end to her life in some way or because she believes her life to be worthless. Quite the contrary, actually, and one could argue that the reasoning for that lies with her survivor's guilt. But all in all, before I get sidetracked again: Yelan embraces solitude to a rather extreme extent, and yet she doesn't seem to harbor a dissociation from the rest of humanity or dislike of it, but she does seem to place a firm line between non-allogenes and herself (and others who hold a vision). But what I mean with embracing solitude, is that while she is social, and she understands the laws and diplomacy of social behavior, she isn't one to always engage in it, simply because many don't seem to quite... share her headspace.
#[ meta. ] the chances are if i open this door; there can be no witnesses left alive. is that a sufficient reason for you?#[ honestly this is the biggest mess; but i've wanted to touch on this for a while even while this is a mess. ]#[ it's just the concept of-- there's a difference between dynamics where this on surface-level doesn't matter so much. ]#[ but it does explain the differences beween /some/ dynamics and most. xiao and yelan is one of them-- ]#[ but with xiao there's arguably the concept of karmic debt and how dangerous it is to non-allogenes. ]#[ and this sense of solitude is inherently ingrained in him in vastly different ways. but there /are/ some similarities. ]#[ but all in all-- this for example also plays into why i can only ship yelan at present with wriothesley. ]#[ and it's mostly because of the way his life seems to have led him to make a similar decision of likely staying in the meropide... ]#[ for the rest of his life. that's a specific type of decision to make that i think many couldn't make as easily. ]#[ not saying he made it as easily-- but it's this concept of... i think the only ones who really would understand are the ones... ]#[ who are able to make a similar decision or have already. i don't think every characer's 'loneliness' should be supplemented... ]#[ or 'fixed' by another's or someone who's the opposite. it needs to hit right; it needs to click just right for me. ]#[ and this one does. ]#[ it's the similarities with /just/ enough differences that you create a balance in which there's a semblance of peace. ]#[ but a peace that isn't constant. ]#[ i don't know how to word-- i just. 😭 one day you guys will get a proper meta from me on this. ]
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we have moved on to persuasive speeches in comm class n bc we have so little time left in the semester they're gonna be partner debates, so i have grouped up with the guy in there with whom i started talking abt genshin a while back, n we're just like. "fuck it. let's just do the ethics of gacha games and whether they should be regulated like gambling in casinos"
#which is a very broad topic n i know we're not gonna touch on everything in the ten minutes we'll be allotted#so in my head i'm like running through the arguments you always see online#n it's fun to discuss too bc since we're both familiar w/gacha culture those aspects also feel like important things to discuss as well#bc like. on paper you can present gacha games as harmless bc you ''don't have'' to spend money on it if you have the self-restraint#and there Are kids who grew up playing these things who learned restraint along the way#n are able to engage w/these kinds of things with healthy boundaries n limits n stuff#n like kids Shouldn't be playing gacha games; many people say that the target audience of gacha games are kids but that's like.#that's literally not true. the target audience of gacha games are the whales who are all adults.#just bc they often attract the attention of kids as a side thing doesn't mean they're necessarily Made for them#but that doesn't negate the fact that hey! there ARE a lot of kids who can someday be harmed by this *as collateral*#and just bc they're not the target audience doesn't mean it's okay to just ignore them bc there are so many#(also the fact that gacha ecosystems revolve around balancing the needs of whales n f2p complicates this further)#(in order to keep the whales happy you have to keep your f2p around or else there's no one for the whales to flex on)#(so in a sense f2p are kind of like live bait to keep whales around)#(it doesn't matter who or what the f2p/low spenders are; as long as you have bottom feeders around to make up majority of players)#n since kids tend to have a lot of passion and spare time they often get pulled into games like gnshn which can unlock gambling addictions#since there's basically not a lot of oversight it's really easy for them to fall into bad patterns just bc of gacha culture n stuff#anyway since we have similar views we're both chill with taking either side of this debate presentation#i think we're both of the opinion that there is Something that has to be done but we're sympathetic to the people who disagree#simply bc we've both experienced this shit From The Inside#花話
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I HATE YOU — l.heeseung
PAIRING: best friend's brother!heeseung x fem!reader GENRES: fluff, humor, smut WC: 10.7k+
WARNINGS: lots of swearing, arguments, mention of drinking, parties. reports of sex scenes, oral sex (f. receiving), unprotected sex (use caution and protection).
SYNOPSIS: you and your best friend's brother hated each other, almost as a matter of course between the two of you. but something changes when you wake up in his bed at the weekend.
NOTES: i think this story has been in my subconscious for so long, idk why it took me so long to write it. it smells a lot like heeseung to me, so nothing was more fitting than doing it for him. i hope you like it!
masterlist
The rule of life is clear when you have a best friend and she has an older brother. Either you fall in love with him, or you don't get along with him and you both hate each other. In your case, more specifically, the second option would fit like a perfect glove. It was like a combo in your background to be best friends with Dahyun, and hate Heeseung, her brother. Not that you'd do it alone, he contributed to every ounce of your body boiling with rage for him.
As if he had been born to unleash the purest feeling of rage in your heart just by entering the room and breathing. But it wasn't as if you nurtured that alone either. Heeseung had the same great anger towards you because, according to him, it was because of you that Dahyun stopped being the innocent little girl she was.
It wasn't a good excuse compared to the times he'd taken you seriously. Still, even so, Heeseung felt angry just being in your presence and knowing that you went to his house and he couldn't do anything but make you angry until he heard you swear at him or try to throw something in his direction. Dahyun was the balance bridge to try to maintain an ounce of harmony between the two of you while you were all together, although it was almost impossible to maintain a pleasant atmosphere whenever you and Heeseung were in the same environment. Which was practically all day long.
There wasn't a single moment when you could get rid of him or he of you, because unfortunately – or fortunately – you were Dahyun's best friend. You met her before you even knew that your best friend had a completely asshole brother. He swore that Dahyun having a friendship would be a quiet thing because she was never one to have many friends. Heeseung would be lying to say that he wasn't looking forward to meeting the first person his younger sister had befriended after entering university.
He just didn't expect you to be introduced to him when Dahyun had her first binge at the frat party, with you holding her hair and introducing yourself as her best friend.
So it's this crazy girl who's my sister's friend? Heeseung's anger may have started first, but you certainly felt it more intensely as the months went by.
Heeseung always found you with Dahyun at insane moments, like the pool party where you lent your best friend your most revealing bikini. That night you threw him into the pool because you two argued, but before you could regret it, he pulled you in with him, getting you wet before you could show off your hours of hard work to maintain the beautiful, wavy hair that took so long to make.
War had been declared, and at every party you and Heeseung attended, something always happened to emphasize how the two of you couldn't stay on the same radar and in the same environment for so long.
Not this last time.
The remnants of last night invaded your mind like a little dream, where you knew it was far from a fantasyland. Friday night was party day at some frat house or at some rich person's house who could afford to buy drinks for a bunch of horny, partying college kids. You and Dahyun always went together, because at the end of the night, you would sleep at her house. And of course that happened. You just didn't expect to be in another Lee's bed.
You took a deep breath after you realized what had happened, remembering the exact moment when you argued with Heeseung. Nothing new for the two of you. But that night something seemed different about the way you and he argued about absolutely everything, like the amount of drink he poured himself. Or how you had accepted a drink from a guy who had handed you a glass because he was going to play and didn't want to drink anymore, Heeseung had scolded you for being reckless and, even if you were, if that had made him angry, then you had done the right thing.
But why were his eyes dark and shiny when he cornered you in the kitchen to swear at you? And why did you lean too far towards him when he tried to take the glass from your hand? The reason was canonized at that moment, with you wrapped in Heeseung's sheets.
The memory of his lips pressing down hard on yours to shut you up, your body almost turning to porridge when he softened to kiss you properly. And why on earth did you give in? Why did you kiss him back looking like you needed it? Your mind knew you did, but never, under any circumstances, would the two of you say that that need was blatant and that you were both waiting for what had happened.
Your thoughts were soon interrupted when a weight slid around your waist. His arms wrapped around you and pulled you close. You effortlessly felt Heeseung's chest pressing against your back. Your whole body stiffened for a few seconds but relaxed – without any explanation – when his hand rested on your stomach and his breath hit the back of your neck.
That breath you felt against your lips after he kissed you, as he whispered one last curse when he took you to his car and then brought you to his house. Heeseung's breath against your skin with every touch he made, with every kiss, sent shivers down your spine. You didn't want to think about the effects he had caused in just one night, while all those months later the only thing you felt for him was anger and disgust. But no, last night it was anything but that that you felt for each other.
You began to wonder how you were going to get out of there. Or worse, how you were going to bump into Dahyun and explain to her that, strangely enough, you had ended up in her brother's bed. It couldn't have been an accident because neither of you got drunk enough to blame it on alcohol, so what? What would you say when asked why you slept with Heeseung?
An involuntary sigh left your lips when he moved again, pressing you a little closer and nestling his face in the crook of your neck. Inhaling all your scent as if it were normal and he'd done it a million times before.
“It's not possible that you're actually doing this” your voice came out without thinking, not at all cordial or subtle as he continued to inhale your scent. You wanted to curse yourself even more as soon as you heard Heeseung's morning laugh. Rude, low, a real sin for your poor body that was processing everything that was still going on.
“What? I don't even get a good morning?” he asked in the same tone as the laugh and every word coming out of his mouth was truly a sin. You'd seen Heeseung after waking up countless times, but it wasn't as if you saw him seconds later as was happening now. Usually, it was a while later, his voice was normal at least, although his face was puffy from sleep and his hair slightly mussed. But it was nothing compared to what you were hearing at that moment.
“You're an idiot, you little shit” your hand went over his hand that was still on your stomach, trying to pull it away “I hate you, now let me go.”
As expected, Heeseung did the opposite of what you asked. Pulling you closer to him and, with the strength he was holding you with, he managed to turn you around and make your body face him.
“You hated moaning my name last night” he smiled with half-lidded eyes “Now why are you playing hard to get?” there was the Heeseung you remembered hating, even though he was so hot in a sleepy, lazy way. You held back with your hands to pull his face in and kiss him, messing up his hair even more and getting lost in those lips that were claimed as yours last night.
“Because—” your voice died right there, you had no answer to that. You didn't know why you were playing hard to get after having slept with him of your own free will.
The victorious smile on Heeseung's lips made you slap his chest, feeling the skin beneath your fingers. Remembering how you touched him and how he felt every shiver go through him every time your fingers slid across him and interspersed with your nails. Heeseung knew that some part of his body was marked by you, but he honestly didn't care.
Your eyes rolled down as soon as you noticed that he was shirtless, looking under the covers as much as you could. He wasn't wearing anything over it and didn't even seem to care about covering his chest when your eyes locked on the spot, your hands still gripping his chest ready to slap it again in case any silly jokes were made. But your face heated up when you noticed that, if he wasn't wearing a T-shirt, you were wearing his.
Heeseung noticed the way you recorded it all, and although it was amusing, he remembered how hot you had looked after putting on his T-shirt to sleep. With nothing underneath, just his clothes covering the curves of your body that he touched, kissed, and marked. And he'd be a dead man if he confessed that he wanted to do it all over again.
“You didn't like wearing my shirt?” he asked, breaking the silence that had settled between the two of you “Just take it off, I remember you're not wearing anything underneath anyway.”
“I hate you!” you let out a shriek, hitting him in the chest again before pulling the covers off your body so you could get out of bed in search of your clothes.
“Right, if it makes you sleep better at night, then I hate you too” he muttered, rolling his body across the bed to lie where you had been seconds before. Secretly smelling your scent on his pillow, as you searched for your clothes on his bedroom floor at that moment.
Hearing about the fine line between modern and contemporary art history was wonderful for you, one of your favorite classes. The grace with which the professor explained it so passionately, highlighting important points that you made a point of writing down in your notebook with a lilac-colored pen that Dahyun had lent you at the beginning of the class. It took up most of your thoughts from the moment you arrived on campus, taking your focus away from the fact that a few days ago you were lying on Heeseung's bed. And now you were sitting next to his sister sharing one of your classes.
Your thoughts traveled to another subject now… Did Dahyun know that you and Heeseung had had sex? It wouldn't be something to hide from your best friend, having heard from her a few times that the two of you had some kind of repressed hard-on. Of course, that made you and Heeseung even angrier, but it turned out to be true last weekend.
Dahyun was right, after all, and you didn't want her to be. Or did you?
“Y/n” she called your name in a whisper, making you turn your head to face her “The boys are waiting for us in the study room, do you want to go now or do you want to stop by for coffee?”
Back to the normal schedule where you would have to live with Heeseung and try to put aside what had happened between the two of you. Or at least try to. Carry on with your routine and chores and not pay attention to him like you always did.
Class ended and you felt your body dragging alongside Dahyun through the corridors to the campus cafeteria. It wasn't a long way, but dividing your energy between the class and the thoughts that flooded your mind had left you tired. The salted caramel coffee you always ordered might have some effect on your body right now.
And you were more than right.
After paying for the drink and some treats, the straw rolled around your lips as you sipped the drink that was your comfort. You could hear Dahyun's laughter every time the taste of coffee impregnated your tongue and you moaned with satisfaction. The whole way to the study room was filled with these moments that the two of you shared as you sipped your drinks and tried to balance the takeaway bags.
“Am I seeing a mirage or did you bring food?” Jay almost knelt to thank you and Dahyun when you entered the study room.
“Are you guys hungry or something?” she asked, stepping in front and placing the bag of food on the small table around some cushioned armchairs.
“Our class finished early and someone forgot to stop by the convenience store” Sunghoon sat down on the floor, legs crossed and his face almost shoved into one of the bags to look for something that interested him. Finding a filled brownie, he took it without asking permission, even though he didn't need to.
“He's in over his head, isn't he?” Jake nudged Heeseung, who had been quiet the whole time since you and Dahyun arrived.
Looking at your best friend, you saw her sit down next to Jake as if it were something mechanized as if she had to be there without any kind of effort. It was cute how close the two of them always were. But your mind went into overdrive because as she sat next to him, the only seat left was next to Heeseung.
“What?” he asked, shaking his body at the slight shock Jake had caused him. Adjusting his posture in the armchair, Heeseung swallowed as soon as he felt a weight next to him, indicating that you had sat there.
“You forgot to stop by the convenience store to pick up some food” Jay grumbled “What are you thinking, man? You haven't answered us since you came to class today.”
Playing the misunderstood had been a mutual agreement with everyone in the room. They had seen you and Heeseung leave together, but if neither of you had mentioned anything, none of them would do it. Playing the game of not knowing anything about you and him was the best thing. At least until that moment.
“I'm just sleepy, don't fight me” Heeseung grumbled, stretching more than usual so that he could annoy you, as he had done ever since the two of you met. He could hear you taking a deep breath next to him, holding back a little so as not to swear at him before the study session even started.
Heeseung mentally thanked his friends for the lame excuse he'd given, because they all started to engage in side conversations as he slipped a glance in your direction. Your fingers held the coffee cup with a certain lightness, your thumb circling the cardboard that was possibly warm against his skin. Heeseung suppressed a smile, thinking about how your fingers had touched his body a few days ago.
He didn't want to think about anything involving the night you two had spent together, but even though it was recent, seeing you so close hit him hard. It was as if his mind betrayed him the very moment you sat down next to him and did the bare minimum to be noticed. There was no way Heeseung could think of anything other than you. The way you brought the cup to your lips and drank the coffee, for example. It made him think of your mouth kissing him, how easily your lips turned red as the kiss got more and more intense. How your mouth looked like the perfect shape of his cock when you wrapped it around you and sucked it, giving him the best blowjob of his life.
Fuck Heeseung, stop thinking about it. He told himself, or he'd get turned on just associating every single thing you did with the way he had you in his room, under his body, and in his bed.
The only way to make his thoughts go away and him not think like that was to irritate you, bring up the atmosphere of the argument you had with him, and thus get his friends to intervene and completely change the course of Heeseung's thoughts. And the way he thought was by taking the coffee cup from your hand, bringing it to his lips, and taking the last sip.
“Hey” you said loudly enough, trying not to shout because the study room was next to the university library “You ruined my coffee, you idiot.”
“I was thirsty, sorry” Heeseung pouted his lips, feeling the taste of salted caramel all over his tongue. He ran the tip of his tongue between his lips to wipe away any coffee residue. He just didn't expect your attention to be on his mouth. Without hesitation, your eyes traced the path of his mouth and the way his tongue traced his lower lip. That sparked something inside Heeseung because it showed that you were thinking along the same lines as he was.
“You're a real idiot” you said quietly this time, trying to look away as Heeseung bit his lower lip.
He leaned in a little but didn't manage to get close enough to tease you because he felt the famous slap on the chest that you gave him when he said something stupid. Ever since that morning in his bed.
“Ouch, that hurt” he cringed, dodging the next slap you'd give him. For the first time, the dynamic between you and Heeseung was a little closer and more physical. Usually, the two of you didn't sit near each other or you couldn't get there in time to hit him, Jay or Sunghoon always managed to hold you back first.
“Hey, stop it, you two” Jake broke off from an interesting conversation he was having with Jay, sharing a packet of sweets with Sunghoon in the process.
“It's not like you guys had sex at the weekend” Dahyun yawned, throwing the full weight of her head on Jake's shoulder.
“What?” you and Heeseung shouted at the same time.
Their eyes widened, their breathing quickened and their faces heated up as they looked at the four of them sitting in front of them. So they knew, but how? You and he had tried to be discreet the whole time, and you hadn't said anything to Dahyun, considering Heeseung's astonishment, showing that he hadn't said anything to his friends either.
“Come on, we saw you two leaving the party together” Jay sighed “We agreed not to say anything until one of you spoke.”
“But you're still fighting” Jake pouted.
“By the way” Dahyun squeezed the cup between her fingers, the coffee long since finished and she just needed something to munch on while she talked to Jake “I could hear you two when we got home” she looked at Jake for a few seconds, then at you and Heeseung. They exchanged frightened, embarrassed glances.
A hole could be dug right there that you wanted to bury yourself in and never get out of. There was no escaping it and no escape from your friends' looks and playful smiles. There was also no way you could face Heeseung after everything you'd heard, so your only way out was to make an excuse that you needed to go to the library to get a book to start studying. You left the room as quickly as you could and entered the door at the end of the corridor.
At least it was quiet there and you wouldn't hear any of your friends talking about you and Heeseung having sex, or about how they knew all along and didn't tell either of you. It hadn't been long since it happened, but you'd been with Dahyun all morning and Heeseung had probably spent a lot of it with some of the boys he shared a class with. So they waited for you to give them a break to say it out loud?
“Holy shit” you whispered to yourself, leaning on one of the shelves in a vast aisle of encyclopedias. Nothing there was of interest to you and you didn't necessarily need any of those books, but it had been the first aisle you'd found to enter and browse the various shelves in search of clearing your mind.
“It really is shit” the voice settled in your ears and went straight to your skin, sending shivers down your spine and making your heart race. Your heartbeat accelerated more than usual when you turned around and noticed Heeseung just a few steps away.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Go away!” you whispered at him, turning to one of the shelves to pick up any stupid books. If you'd never read encyclopedias before, that day could be your first. Then you'd be too busy reading and not paying attention to the boy who was slowly approaching you.
“I had to leave too, I couldn't stand that embarrassment alone” he said in the same tone as yours, stopping right behind you as he noticed your feat in trying to open a heavy book that had nothing to do with the classes you were attending “Besides, I came to tease you for being too scandalous” Heeseung's breath hitched against your ear, his lips almost kissing your skin.
You turned sharply, the book wobbling in your hands from the weight of it and the force with which you turned. But your reflexes were good enough to hold it steady while you stared at it.
“Me? Scandalous?” your indignation was palpable, along with your anger that was beginning to grow inside your chest at him and the arrogant smile he had “What do you mean?”
“That you moaned so loudly that my sister heard!”
“Motherfucker” you almost forgot you were in the library, wanting to scream in his face and curse him with every swear word you could think of “I didn't moan that loud.”
“Yes, you did” he said.
“No, I didn't” you answered back, not realizing that you had taken a step forward and leaned your body against his. Heeseung took the opportunity to take the book from your hands, the weight shifting to his arms as he put it back on the shelf. Now having full access to you and your body in front of him.
He knew you hadn't moaned out loud, not least because he managed to shut you up every time. Making you moan against his mouth or listening closely when your mouth was close to his ear, having the most beautiful moan Heeseung had ever heard in his entire life.
“On a scale of zero to ten, if I say you moan scandalously…” Heeseung began, his speech somewhat meek “How angry will you be?”
“Ten, obviously” you hadn't even hesitated to answer, regretting it the second he smiled.
“So you moan too scandalously” such a simple sentence, but one that practically tore away the last bit of calm you had with Heeseung. Not that it ever really existed, but at least you tried inside the library.
As if it was the right thing to do, you raised your hand to hit him as you had been doing so often in the last few moments, but he acted quickly. So fast that neither of you could process it. Heeseung's long fingers wrapped around your wrist and he pulled you against his chest, wrapping his free arm around your waist to press you down and give you no chance to escape. The warmth of his fingers against your skin made you hold your breath and close your eyes, almost like a memory of what was about to happen.
It was the perfect cue for Heeseung to lean towards you and touch the tip of his nose to yours. His breaths mingled and his eyes closed to revel in the sensation of being so close to you again.
He wanted to touch your mouth, kiss you, and be able to leave with you. To remember the softness of your lips and how perfectly your mouths fit together as if the two of you had learned everything from each other. Even though the two of you shared hurried, slow kisses, none of them were disproportionate or out of rhythm. You and Heeseung managed to find harmony and synchronicity in every movement.
“Oh, shit” Jay's voice made you and Heeseung break apart quickly, startled by the closeness and realizing that if the brunette hadn't arrived, you and he would have kissed right then “Sorry, I—”
“You owe me lunch for a week” Dahyun appeared beside him, smiling openly as her eyes landed on you and Heeseung. He didn't need to look at you to know that you also shared a confused, albeit frightened, expression as to why Jay and his sister were there in the library.
“What did you two bet?” Heeseung asked the dreaded question, opening and closing his fists and holding back the urge to touch you again, even if it was in front of the two who were still there.
“That you and Y/n would be kissing” Jay said “But the two of them never actually kissed, so I don't owe you anything.”
“Yes, you do!” Dahyun protested, pushing Jay out of the hallway and leaving you and Heeseung completely unresponsive.
It would have been a smart idea to avoid going to any parties after what happened, in case you both regretted it. But that wasn't exactly it.
As the week went by, the teasing between Heeseung and you continued with a little more intensity, adding to the spice of what had happened between you, and now things had become a little more physical. Like him having to get too close to you and touch your hair after getting on your nerves, or how your hand wrapped around his arm – unnecessarily – so you could avoid Heeseung when he was near the kitchen counter teasing you before you left and went to his sister's room.
Things were getting heated and neither of you made any move to actually stop or that it wasn't affecting you anymore, quite the opposite. As the touching persisted or you paid too much attention to each other's actions, things got more and more complicated.
That was why Heeseung now found himself with a red glass in his hand, bringing it to his lips and feeling the bitter taste of alcohol go down his throat. He could have refused to go to that party after Sunghoon insisted, with the excuse that the class had been terrible. Even though he had slept through most of it. At least they were at Yeonjun's parent's house, the rich boy and Jake's friend who always gave up his house when the fraternities hadn't recovered after a few parties over a short period.
At least there was somewhere to sit, a room without too many people and the music wasn't too loud. The pool room that the boys usually went to when they wanted to escape the crowds, but didn't want to leave the party completely.
“Man, I love it when we’re here” Yeonjun sighed, sitting across from Heeseung and next to Jay “I wanted to run away from Stacy all night.”
“Is she annoying you?” Jay held back a laugh.
Talking about girls was the main topic when Yeonjun was around, and it wasn’t such a bad thing. Sharing experiences and even talking about how their current relationships were going, just as Jake made a point of praising Dahyun and how the two of them were getting along better and better. At some point in the conversation, Heeseung didn’t even bother to share anything, feeling shy for the first time. You had been the last girl he slept with, and talking about it, about the intimacy you two shared made him embarrassed. It wasn’t that he would brag every time he got with someone, on the contrary, the poor boy was the most teased because he rarely kissed a unit on the mouth at a party.
Maybe it was his chance to say that he had finally kissed someone after so long. But he wanted to keep it all to himself as if he felt jealous of sharing every detail about you.
“And you, Heeseung” Yeonjun called him as if he could read his thoughts. “Did you finally have sex?”
Sunghoon choked on his half-drunk drink, biting the plastic cup as he looked at his friend and noticed the shocked expression on his face. Yeonjun didn’t know anything about what had happened, especially since he wasn’t that close to you and Dahyun. He knew you two by sight and exchanged a few words because you were always around, but it’s not like he knew everything about you.
“He definitely had sex” Jake bit his lips to keep from smiling “Guess who?”
There wasn’t a single name that crossed Yeonjun’s mind, it was so difficult to associate Heeseung with anyone. Just like they associated Jake with Dahyun or Yeonjun with Stacy. Heeseung didn't have anyone on his radar, and the boys didn't know which girl had ever mentioned his name as a possible sexual companion.
A short period of silence fell over the room, and Jay's impatience quickly cut through.
"Y/n" he said.
“What?” it was Yeonjun’s turn to almost choke on his drink when he decided to take a sip of his beer. “Don’t you two, like, hate each other more than anything in the universe?”
I thought so, Heeseung had that answer on the tip of his tongue, almost wanting to say it out loud.
“So our dear Lee has a powerful dick” Yeonjun joked.
“Dude, we can ask Y/n if he has a small dick or not” Jay suggested.
“That’s cute, we’re finally going to know about his dick” Jake faked a cute voice, pouting and everything to get in on the joke.
“I don’t have a small dick, you idiots” Heeseung wanted to sound angry, although that joke was always there. Talking like that or about sexual performance with some girl… It would be disgusting if it was a conversation that happened often, but it wasn’t. It was just at times when they all wanted to escape from everything, to be in a universe where only boys existed and they could talk about anything.
A laugh filled the room before Heeseung or any of the boys could respond. Turning to the door, there you were. Standing with your hand on the doorknob and the other holding the plastic cup.
“Y/n!” Jay called out to you excitedly.
“Hey Y/n, is it true that Heeseung—” Yeonjun was interrupted by a flying plastic cup, hitting him in the chest as Heeseung threw it.
You had heard the entire conversation before entering the wrong room, looking for a bathroom to pee in. Your eyes scanned the room, seeing how relaxed and happy the boys were, far from those people you were starting to get bored with.
“Wrong door, sorry, boys” you waved and smiled at all of them, stopping your eyes on Heeseung for a long moment. Analyzing every inch of his body. Every piece of clothing adorned that man’s curves very well. Wide pants, white tank top, and leather jacket. A cardinal sin was that his hair was slicked back and the silver chain showing well above the collar of the tank top he was wearing. Luckily for you, the music was loud enough that no one could hear the force with which you swallowed when you noticed Heeseung’s collarbone was more exposed than usual. Waving to all of them, you closed the door as quickly as you opened it.
He tried to process what had just happened. Did your laughter indicate that you had heard the conversation, giving the boys room to think that he had a small dick? It wasn't possible… Heeseung couldn't believe it, even though it was true as he started to hear his friends making fun of your reaction.
If she laughed, it was because she agreed.
Does he really have a small dick?
Shit, Heeseung, she's teasing you.
He didn't want to hear anything from his friends anymore, the small flame of anger consuming him for teasing him like that in front of his friends. It wouldn't stay like this. Heeseung wouldn't let you get away with it, just like you almost didn't let him get away with it on library day.
Without time for goodbyes or small talk, Heeseung left the room in a hurry, opening the door and closing it without giving time for protests or for any of the boys to follow him. Now, in the middle of the small crowd in the hallway, he dodged some dancing and sweaty bodies, looking everywhere in search of you or his sister who, perhaps, could know where you were. Heeseung had a small spark of hope that he could find you before you went somewhere he couldn't find anymore. Or worse, that you started to feel tired and drunk enough to want to leave.
Running down the stairs, he reached the ground floor in record time, even with some people getting in his way. Heeseung walked from one room to the other, his eyes increasingly attentive to the people, scanning the place until he finally found you. Standing at one end of the table with glasses piled up in front of you, while his sister was at the other end with a few more girls.
“My turn to play,” one of them said, excited enough to grab the ball and throw it before it fell into one of the cups. She and Dahyun celebrated that you would have to drink, and from the look on your face, it wasn’t that good.
Heeseung took hurried steps towards the table, watching you take the ball out of the cup and drink all the contents inside.
“How disgusting” you stuck your tongue out, making a fake vomit sound before discarding the empty cup right next to you. “Now it’s my turn” but your turn didn’t come. Before you could even throw the ball into one of the cups in front of Dahyun and the other girl, Heeseung grabbed your arm and slid his fingers through your hand until he took the ball out. “What the fuck—”
“I need to talk to you” he said.
“Oh, that’s our girl, finally Y/n!” you wanted to ignore those comments, especially because Heeseung’s eyes were so intense and focused only on you. He didn’t care that the girls were joking about that situation, or how Dahyun was saying some teasing things in a playful tone. As if his gaze was capable of erasing everything around him and leaving only the two of you in the center of everything.
“Heeseung.”
“I said I need to talk to you, let’s go” he threw the ball to Dahyun, grabbing your arm again to get you out of there as quickly as possible.
Strangely you didn’t protest, just accepting the boy in front of you leading the way out of the party and through the front door. The air that hit your skin almost made you shiver, but Heeseung’s touch was capable of warming everything in your body without giving you a chance to feel the cold outside environment.
He stopped walking as soon as the two of you passed through the entire front yard, the sidewalk almost devoid of anyone around. Everyone was lying on the lawn or the porch, except for the excessive amount that was already inside Yeonjun's parents' huge house.
“What do you need to talk to me about?” you finally asked, letting your voice be heard by Heeseung after a while of silence between the two of you. He then let go of your arm, turning towards you to face you. Looking around a little, he wanted to make sure that he wouldn't be interrupted or, worse still, that someone would hear your conversation. People had a slight impression that you and Heeseung always argued, but the only ones who listened attentively to this were your friends and his sister. Heeseung didn't want anyone else to know about these little details.
“You heard the boys’ conversation upstairs, didn’t you?” he asked you. His tone was usually serious, but with a hint of anger that was always directed at you.
“Wanting to know if you have a small dick? Yeah, I heard you” you laughed a little, regretting it the second Heeseung approached you. His eyes were glazed over anywhere on your face, at least you knew where he was looking. His chest rose and fell in a rapid breath as he leaned in enough to be able to look you in the eyes without losing your attention.
“Do you find this funny, Y/n?” his low tone of voice never had any effect on you, on the contrary, it always instigated you even more to tease him. Smiling now and then, pushing Heeseung’s buttons when he seemed mad at you. But this time it was different, his voice seemed to fade away as he said things to you that way. The look still in your eyes, now falling to your lips “So you think I have a small dick?”
“I didn’t say anything about that—” you were quickly interrupted.
“Answer my question” he said “Do you think I have a small dick?” Heeseung’s hand touched your waist, pressing his fingers tightly against the spot before pulling you against his body.
You swallowed any sound that could come out of your lips so as not to give him the satisfaction of seeing the effect he was having on you. Your pride spoke louder at least at that moment.
Thinking of all the possibilities that could answer his question, something popped into your mind. The instinct of rivalry and fight between the two of you couldn’t end so soon, and you knew that a remnant of the old Y/n that started all this with Heeseung still lived inside you. So you did the right thing by whispering those words.
“On a scale of zero to ten, how angry will you be if I say yes?”
Heeseung felt like an idiot for letting a smile appear on his lips so easily, especially because of you.
“We’re going home right now, tell my sister to go with Jake” he said, not taking his hands off your waist until he took you to the car and they left that party.
You were both experiencing a little deja vu from the first night you were together, but something at that moment seemed to be a little slower. You arrived at the apartment without much of a rush because Heeseung drove carefully; the city streets at that time were not a safe place to speed, even if he was in a hurry. The silence in the building's elevator was not uncomfortable, much less the rustling of the keys when he opened the apartment door.
The path to his room was led by him, with dragging and slightly nervous steps – which you didn't notice and he was grateful – because you were equally nervous. The last time you made this path, you were in Heeseung's arms and with your mouth glued to his. Shy giggles and messy words were said as the two of you tried to balance each other until you entered his room.
When you entered the room again, the smell of Heeseung's cologne was still in the air. The same smell he had all over his clothes and inside the car, showing that when he had put on perfume a few hours before going to the party, the smell still lingered in the air. Your eyes searched around in search of some recognition, mentally cursing yourself for remembering practically everything. The shelf with trophies he had won, video games stacked perfectly next to each other, some dolls and superheroes. Nerd stuff that you had played with him for so long outside of that environment, but being in Heeseung's personal space and taking a good look at it was something new for you.
At that moment your thoughts flew to the boy in front of you who, delicately, wrapped his hands around your waist this time. The tender touch was a total opposite of what the two of you had been having lately, about everything that involved you and him. Heeseung pulled you closer, his forehead slowly touching yours, while one of his hands left your waist to touch your face. The touch of his fingers against your skin immediately made you close your eyes.
“Do you miss being here?” he asked in a playful tone, but the softness of that question made you wonder if you really missed being there. Even though it was the second time you had stepped into Heeseung's room under those circumstances.
“You're the one who misses having me here” you teased.
“Maybe so” he shrugged, smiling when you seemed surprised by his sudden confession, but you didn’t dare open your eyes. Shy enough not to be able to look at Heeseung while he was still caressing your face.
You had both consumed a little more alcohol than the last time you did this, but still, neither of you managed to get to the point of getting drunk. There was no way you could tell him that you drank too much at the games with Dahyun and the girls, and much less could Heeseung use the excuse that he was drunk with the boys. Again, you were both in that situation because you wanted to be.
“Y/n” he whispered your name, taking you out of the little trance where you could only hear your calm breathing and your heartbeats against each other due to the proximity of your body to his.
“Yeah” you answered.
“Can I kiss you again?” the first time he didn’t ask for permission in that scenario, Heeseung’s lips were simply against yours. But now, there inside his room, everything seemed different. All the tenderness and calm that you were strangely enjoying, while he didn't know exactly why he was caressing you so lovingly and asking permission for something he had already done.
“Yes, please” your answer surprised him more than it surprised you. You even said please, something that had never happened to him. Usually the only thank you you gave Heeseung or the only word of cordiality you said to each other was the famous good morning, and when Dahyun still insisted on the two of you.
Finally, Heeseung's lips pressed against yours, the soft touch of his mouth sliding over yours before he opened his mouth and urged you to do the same. Heeseung's chin slowly pressed against yours to keep your mouth open and enter his tongue into your cave, searching for your tongue and intertwining the two gently.
Although there was urgency in each touch, in how he wanted to kiss you and how you wanted to be kissed by him, something unsaid – but understood – was that you both wanted to enjoy that strangely pleasurable moment for both of you. Your hands went up to make contact with the collar of the jacket he wore, running your thin fingers under the leather before grabbing Heeseung's shoulders. Your skin against his made him sigh during the kiss, bringing you closer and walking with you towards the bed. Stopping only when his calf touched the wood indicating that he had reached where he wanted.
He was the first to stop kissing you, placing small kisses on your chin until he reached your jaw, where he lightly scraped his teeth and smiled when he saw the skin on your neck start to get goosebumps. You didn't want to be left behind, so your hands forced themselves on his shoulders to loosen his jacket and make it fall halfway down his arms. Heeseung grew impatient with that piece of cloth and soon got rid of the jacket, not bothering to throw it on the bedroom floor, wrapping his arms around your body again.
Heeseung returned with his lips against your skin, brushing whenever he could on every little spot before alternating with the tip of his tongue a short path down to below your ear. His breath so close was enough to make you go a little crazy more.
“We can—”
“We can do whatever you want” he told you, kissing the spot below your ear and returning to position his face aligned with yours. Foreheads together and feeling her breath hit his lips “Tell me and I will do it.”
It was your turn to kiss Heeseung, your hands holding his face to keep him close while his tongue wrapped around yours again. The perfect fit of your mouths and how the two of you, despite your need, didn't let go and didn't make a mess of it. Yet.
Heeseung picked you up just to lay you down on his bed, snuggling his body between your legs without taking his mouth off yours. He pulled away momentarily to breathe before kissing you again with even more desire. At that point you felt like you needed him even more, your legs wrapping around Heeseung's hips who, you could tell, was holding back from making any risky moves. Even though you both wanted that. But it was impossible to hold back any longer because of the way the kiss started to get sloppy and lazy. You didn't know that you could get even more excited by the way Heeseung's tongue moved against yours or how the softness of his lips remained even after you abused them for so long.
Involuntarily your hips rocked, feeling Heeseung's erection rub against your clothed pussy, making you both moan in sync.
“Fuck” he moaned into your mouth, swallowing another moan of yours as he pressed his hips against you so you could feel a little more of his cock.
“Heeseung” your hands ran down his arms, your nails making a reddish path against his skin as you marked him.
“Are you going to moan loudly now?” he teased, lifting his head to look at you. It would be typical of Lee Heeseung to comment on that while he had a hard-on and was between your legs, you should have imagined that.
“I think you need to keep your mouth busy and stop talking shit” you rolled your eyes at him, holding yourself back so that your arousal wouldn't turn into anger and you would hit the boy.
“Your wish is my command, ma'am” Heeseung smiled so seductively that you asked yourself countless questions at that moment.
As he slid down your body, taking off each piece of your clothing without your protest, you wondered. Heeseung always smiled mischievously at you, although the effects were always the opposite of what was happening. Maybe the vulnerability in which you and he found each other at that moment made you with your senses heightened, paying a little more attention than necessary. Of course, you saw Heeseung up close, in his most intimate form, just as he saw you too. So that would be a good explanation for why you felt strange when he, at that moment, directed the smiles that you knew so well, at you.
Looking down at the exact second that Heeseung took off your panties, you noticed how lost in thought you were at that moment. Did he undress you so quickly or were you thinking too much about his smile to notice that now you were both naked? It didn’t matter, the job was done and now you fought against your racing heartbeat as Heeseung’s face lowered to be level with your pussy.
As if asking permission with a glance directed at your face, you nodded slowly as he adjusted himself between your legs and placed a kiss on your thigh. His lips tickled your skin before sliding down to your groin and finally finding your pussy.
“Heeseung— shit” you held back a moan between your lips as the tip of his tongue touched your clit. Swollen and in need of his full attention which he was more than willing to give.
Heeseung wrapped one hand around your thigh, bringing the other to your pussy to part your labia and spread all your wetness on his fingertips. It was a sight he didn’t think he would ever see, but one he couldn’t stop seeing now. He needed to be in that position at least once a day, if possible. Heeseung’s fingers made their way across your pussy lips until they reached your hole, circling it before pushing in. He looked up, his face fucking gorgeous as you fought the urge to open your eyes.
He wrapped his lips around your clit to suck on your bundle of nerves at the same time his finger was inserted into your hole. The two sensations flooded you as you let out the most beautiful moan. It wasn't scandalous at all, on the contrary, it was low and sensual. A reminder of how Heeseung was making you feel with just a few seconds of giving your pussy proper attention.
Moving his finger inside you, he included another and the two began working in and out of your hole. The wet sound of his fingers fucking you along with the moans you were letting out made his cock throb. Heeseung felt himself getting harder and harder, aching and wanting to be inside you as soon as possible.
“Hee” you moaned that nickname that had been heard only a few times, but that was enough to make him want to hear it again. This seemed to motivate you a little more, because Heeseung inserted the third finger into your pussy and, leaning down again, he went back to kissing your clit and any other place his mouth could reach.
It seemed like the way he kissed your mouth, kissing your pussy so perfectly that you were going crazy. Your hands found their way into his hair, tangling a few strands without having enough strength to pull them out. You focused as much as possible on how well Heeseung was fucking you and his fingers curling inside your warm walls. It was the second time you had sex, but it seemed like he knew every spot on your body and how you should be touched.
Heeseung felt your hole tighten against his fingers, licking your clit more slowly, although the intrusion of his fingers into your hole wasn't that slow. He smiled against your pussy, lifting his face from there and crawling until his face was flush with yours. His fingers didn't stop fucking you even though his mouth was far from your pussy.
“Are you going to cum?” he asked in a deep and hoarse whisper, making you open your eyes and almost actually cum at that moment. His chin was covered in saliva and your wetness, making Heeseung even hotter than he looked.
You nodded quickly to him, bringing one of your hands to Heeseung's chin and sliding your thumb over the spots on his skin to clean it. Any other time this would have been kind of cute, warming both of your hearts with the act. Although he appreciated your care even if he didn't mind having a little bit of you stuck to his chin.
“I want you to cum looking into my eyes” he whispered “Can you do that?”
You had no way of knowing if you were capable of it, especially when his fingers started fucking you again so slowly, but so intensely. He made sure to go all the way to his knuckles, rotating and scissoring inside you with precision. Wanting to feel your warm walls enveloping them as he penetrated you. A scream burst from your throat when his thumb touched your clit, where his lips had been minutes ago. You moved your hips to match the movements of his fingers and that made Heeseung almost go crazy.
Your hands went back to touching his hair, one of them going to the back of his neck to pull his face close to yours. Heeseung kissed you to share a little of your taste on his tongue, to show you how addictive you were not only to the kiss but to the taste of your pussy that he was already starting to get addicted to. This was starting to get too much for you, the way he moved his tongue around as he kissed you to muffle your moans and the way his fingers filled you up nicely. A few more small strokes and a particularly hard press on your clit and you came undone, cumming all over his fingers and squeezing them like Heeseung remembered your pussy being capable of.
He held you throughout your orgasm, his fingers still inside you until your walls stopped convulsing and tightening. Slowly sliding out with all of your cum running down your fingers and into the palm of your hand.
“That was…” your words slowly faded as you noticed him pull away a little, enough for him to be able to place his hand between your face and his. The glow of your essence covering every little part of Heeseung’s fingers made your face heat up. It wasn’t the first time you had cum with him, but seeing it so close made you feel shy… You came all that and only on his fingers?
With an air of pride for having been the cause of it, Heeseung smiled before bringing his fingers to his lips and sucking every little drop of you. Fucking hot. He licked it all up with determination, just like he had done on your pussy until there was nothing left for him to clean.
“That was what?” he turned his attention back to you, a small smile on his lips as he leaned in again and now Heeseung's hips were pressed against yours.
Your pussy was still sensitive as his throbbing cock made contact with your folds. He let out a hiss, low and whimpering at the warm sensation that hadn't yet enveloped him. You wanted to surprise him just like he did to you, so slowly your lips enveloped his. A slow kiss to calm your heart that was still racing from the post-orgasm, but preparing yourself for what was on your mind as you felt him melt into your lips.
It was the calmness of Heeseung kissing you and the way you took his lips at that moment. Feeling the attention you gave to each caress, when your hands slid over his body… He just didn't count on how fast it was when you grabbed his dick and slid the red and sensitive head into your entrance.
“Y/n… Fuck, holy shit” he moaned. Being taken by surprise by the sensation, but unable to contain himself when he felt your hot hole envelop him. Quickly his hips pushed forward as if he was trained to do it, as if Heeseung needed to do it without thinking, just being close to your pussy like something magnetic to his dick.
In a quick movement, his entire dick was inside you, and you both moaned at the same second. You because you felt filled by his dick, killing the longing that was to have him inside you. That would never be admitted out loud. While he felt the warmth and sponginess of your walls enveloping every inch of his dick. A hot embrace that he needed more than ever. Another thing that wouldn't be admitted out loud either.
Heeseung adjusted himself, one hand resting on the side of your head while the other found its way to your hip. Supporting himself and squeezing the flesh of your skin as he rested his forehead against yours, looking deep into your eyes before starting to move.
You remember that the first time you two had sex, Heeseung practically fucked you. The force with which his cock entered and left you, the way he ate you out and you sucked him. It was an almost angry but needy sex, where the two of you poured out teasing and moaning. But this time was different. He also remembered the way you and he gave yourselves to each other the first time. How his hips tortured yours as his cock went in and out, hearing you moan his name so much that Heeseung could think it was devotion to him.
But this time he moved masterfully. Slowly and carefully, but each time his dick entered, Heeseung went intensely to the bottom, putting just enough force to make his dick enter you completely and reach the limit that was being in your pussy, reaching your deepest point. His dick slid perfectly inside you, combining his pre-cum with your fluids and the cum from the previous orgasm, all combined with the way he moved.
To add even more intensity to the sex, Heeseung remained with his gaze fixed on your eyes. His hand on your hip tightened as he managed to reach the bottom of your pussy or when your walls squeezed him at a certain point. He was on cloud nine every time your hole swallowed him and he felt your walls being slid by every inch of him.
“Y/n” the whisper of his voice made you mumble softly, as if answering his call and telling him that you were listening. Not wanting to say too much or simply interrupt what he wanted to say to you “That’s amazing” he slowly kissed your lips, the hand on your hip sliding down to grip your thigh “You’re amazing.”
He didn’t even care if it had been said that way or how you would react. By the way your eyes were soft on him, your mouth half open letting moans escape, Heeseung could tell you felt the same way.
“You’re an idiot” you whispered “But you’re amazing too, Heeseung” he chuckled against your lips as he kissed you again.
The sharing of each movement of your tongues as they danced in sync with his hips that were still moving against yours. His cock throbbed inside your pussy indicating that he wouldn't last much longer than that, although your pussy was addictive and he could fuck you all night. But Heeseung wasn't that strong when it came to you – at least not in the last week that he discovered what sex with you was like – so cumming was more than a necessity for him at that moment.
He quickened the pace of his thrusts, the sound of his pelvis hitting against your thighs quickly in search of the apex to share a little more intimacy. Heeseung thrust his cock into you fast, but with a certain care that made your chest heat up. And that was a combination of the overwhelming sensations that the two of you were sharing. His cock went to the limit, touching your cervix as he started and going a little harder and faster to fuck you with a little more need.
Heeseung rested his forehead against yours again, a silent plea that he wanted to see you cum with him or simply see your expression when the two of you came together. And with a few more strokes you felt the burning in the pit of your stomach. Your hands ran to hold his face, afraid that the two of you would turn away and you wouldn't be able to look at him while you came undone on his cock.
“Hee” you called him before moaning close to his mouth, sharing accelerated breaths before your walls closed around his cock, cumming hard. More than the first time on his fingers.
That was too much for Heeseung to handle, he wouldn't be able to hold back the feeling of your walls convulsing around his cock. Your cum slid all over his length and hitting against his pelvis. Heeseung felt his balls ache as he continued to pound his cock into you until he finally came. The hot and long jets of cum inside your pussy, hitting your insides hard. He moaned your name tirelessly as he continued to move in search of prolonging both orgasms.
For a long moment, the two of you remained in that position, trying to normalize your breathing, which was still more than accelerated. Heeseung held you as if his life depended on it, and so did you. Little by little, after your pussy stopped squeezing him and his cock stopped twitching, he slowly raised his hips to pull out of you. Both of you moaning together were almost no longer connected as before, he threw himself next to you on the bed.
“Don’t move” Heeseung whispered, although he knew you didn’t have the strength to do it. With great difficulty, he got up and made the well-known path to the bathroom outside the room. Thankfully, no one had arrived from the party yet, having the apartment just for the two of you. When Heeseung returned to the room, he had a small smile on his lips as he lay down next to you again, bending over you.
“What…” he seemed to have the power to interrupt you on the strangest occasions, catching you by surprise with unexpected actions. He cleaned you carefully, leaving no trace of the two of you between your legs, just like he had done in the bathroom with himself a few seconds ago. Heeseung discarded the damp paper in the trash next to the computer table, lying down next to you again and wrapping his arm around your waist. Just like he had done the first night you and he slept together.
But this time it didn’t seem so strange to you. What was strange was that you liked the feeling of having him so close like this, facing him and resting your hands on Heeseung’s exposed chest.
“So you…”
“Don’t say anything to provoke me now or I’ll hit you” it was your turn to interrupt him, making Heeseung laugh as he pulled you closer and hid his face in the crook of your neck. You didn't know what happened to you after Heeseung touched you, because every little thing he did made your whole body shiver.
“I was just going to say…” he whispered, his lips close to your ear, but with a subtle tone that was rarely – if ever – used with you “If you still think you hate me.”
“I do” you answered quickly. Heeseung laughed against your ear, lifting his face so he could look at you.
“Then I hate you too” he said back, pressing his lips against yours, but not kissing them like he always did when he was close enough to you. “Can we hate each other like we did today, then?”
It was your turn to laugh, making Heeseung feel strange now. His heart skipped a beat at the brightness in your eyes and the way you frowned when you were smiling like that. Was he paying too much attention or were the two of you close enough that he couldn't notice anything other than you and what you were doing? He wasn't sure.
“I think we can hate each other like this” you replied, seeing the small hint of happiness in his eyes and in the smile he gave you.
Pressing his lips slowly to yours, you let him kiss you so subtly like you never thought would happen. Because after all, you and Heeseung hated each other.
And you would hate each other the same way you did in his bed.
© ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.
#enhypen#enhypen smut#heeseung smut#enhypen heeseung#enha smut#heeseung fluff#enhypen fluff#heeseung x reader#enhypen x reader#enhypen hard hours#heeseung hard hours#enha fics#enha fluff#enhypen masterlist#enhypen imagines#bay writes.
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Despite Danny's best efforts, no matter how much time past, Amity Park refused to see Phantom as a hero.
Sure, there were pockets of support, particularly among teens, but most of the town blames Phantom for the property damage, saying if he didn't fight the ghosts then it wouldn't be so bad, to that time he got mind controlled by Freakshow and "attacked" the mayor. It wears him down. It wears Tucker and Sam down. Jazz can only try to support them all.
Then one day, a member of the Justice League visits. Someone minor, and kinda a jerk... maybe a Wonder Twin? Zan? Whatever. They don't investigate; they don't look deeper. They listen to the town folks and declare the ghost hunters, Red Huntress and the Fentons, to be the official heroes of the town.
Worse? Danny Phantom is officially considered a villain to the Justice League. Tuck hacks into the Watchtower and confirms that they have a file (a heavily inaccurate file) about how to defeat Phantom.
Danny doesn't think he can do this anymore.
A few weeks later, a young villain escapes into Amity and demands (begs) that Danny help them escape from the hero after them. No idea who, I can't find a lot of info on teen villains in DC, so let's fudge some ages and make it Kyd Wyckyd from the Teen Titans cartoon. Danny agrees, because to hell with the Justice Losers, and they defeat the hero, becoming friends in the process. Kyd confesses that they became a villain after being ostracized bc of how they look, and they've been trying to avoid villain organizations because HIVE was abusive, but it's really hard to be a villain alone bc of all the heroes.
Sam gets an idea. Tucker agrees with the idea. Jazz is just happy they'll end up making friends.
The next day, the Teen Villain Alliance is formed, ready to assist with any teenage illegal shenanigans their allies might get into.
Some notes:
It's created to be a healthier option for teen "villains" to connect with others and support each other.
It's more important that this is for Teens rather than Villains. They're tired of adult villains taking advantage of them. The TVA would rather ally with a teen vigilante than with an adult villain.
Again, no idea who the teen villains are, but Klarion is definitely here. He leaves the Light for the chaos of the TVA. Maybe Ember is there too?
Timeline wise, this is around when Tim is still Robin, but Damien has arrived at Wayne Manor.
This is because, when it comes time to try to infiltrate the TVA, they'll have a convenient child-assassin who has none of the monitors of a teen hero that Phantom immediately picks up on.
Damien, who at this point has been abandoned by his mother, dismissed and scolded by his father, and has had no success at carving his own place in the family, jumps at the chance. He is then surrounded by peers who don't insult him or try to change his behavior (too much; jazz is trying to help him find healthier methods of expressing himself). He... might not want to continue being a spy.
Danny, Sam, Tuck, and Jazz are the founding members.
Danny reinvents himself as the High Prince of the Infinite, Prince Phantom Dark. He got kingship from fighting Pariah Dark, but since he's still alive, he's only a prince. He steals the last name Dark as an intimidation tatic against those in the know; only Danny would have the balls to claim family with Pariah.
Sam works as a powerless villain, but she might no be powerless? Either way, Danny gives her a bunch of repurposed Fenton tech, and she buys the rest with her parents credit card. She does NOT care if that's traced back to the Mansons. She would choose something goth, maybe something spider related or even bat?
I love Pharaoh Tucker, so I think he should get magic powers? Since pharaohs of old were considered the balance between the real and the divine. He's still a tech guy, now he's a tech and magic guy.
Jazz isn't really a villain, more of a team mom who's planning on using everyone's psyche's as her thesis paper. You know what, that's her callsign, she's Psyche. Sometimes she flirts with Nightwing.
#dc x dp#villain!everlasting trio#dcxdp#villain danny phantom#teen villain alliance#c: danny fenton#c: sam manson#c: tucker foley#c: jazz fenton#c: kyd wyckyd#c: klarion the witch boy#c: batfamily#c: damien wayne#they don't have an agenda like most villain team ups#they're there to support each other commit crimes and play pranks on the justice losers#dp x dc#dp crossover#dc crossover
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Hi how are you? If you want, could you tell us what your headcanons would be for what the Sully children's relationship would be like with a human/avatar mother who was mated with Jake and Neytiri? Thank you very much, have a great day!
I can see a lot of possible outcomes for this one! So here ya go! Enjoy!
P.S: Reader will not be given a name in this one, instead she will be called "small mama"
Pinnacle protection
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Pinnacle motherhood
Right off the bat, the whole family loves their third mother, second mate. Jake sully couldn't ask for a better family, and better mates. Especially his little human mate. Neytiri will agree with him, while yes she has her children to hug, her little mate is just what she needs. Something small yet full of love just for her.
Now like any trio, there is a balance between the parents. Jake is the head of the family, the brains with his clever ideas. Neytiri at times can be the brains but most muscle due to her skills in fighting and hunting. And their beloved human is the heart of the family. Keeping everyone together.
And like any child, the sully kids will have favorites. And their favorite is their amazing human mother. She is the most fun, loving parent any child could ever ask for. Are they not getting their way with Jake or neytiri? To mama it is! And mama will always fold by the simple look of her kids.
Another thing about their favorite mama, they all believe she has the power to read their minds. How else would it explain she knows their next move?
Lo’ak and tuk can recall so many instances where they were barely forming an idea only for their mama to say “dont even think about it” or “it is not worth the trouble”.
For neteyam, as he is the oldest he does try to be a good example for his mischievous siblings, along with holding so many responsibilities, but he can always count on his small mama for anything. Small mama consoles him, talking about anything neteyam has his mind about.
Unlike Jake or neytiri who neteyam has to put up a strong warrior face, with a small mama he can revert back to being a baby with her. He feels safe and be a kid again with her. And small mama always called him her “little baby boy”. Neteyam won't admit it but he likes it when she calls him that.
For kiri, she definitely adores her small mama. She is closer to her third parent than she is with neytiri. Not to be mean or anything. But with Jake, Kiri can talk about what odd things happen around her, ask her about her mother and stuff but with her small mama. Well, she can express far more with her, be free to say anything not be judged upon. Kiri can dare say small mama understands her more than anyone in the world.
With tuk, the baby of the family. Why, she loves to be the taller one, it makes her happy. Of course she would never tease her small mama that she is taller, but small mama would call her “tiny tuk”. A name tuk loves and will glady flex it for some reason.
If tuk can't go somewhere with her older siblings, small mama would personally take her anywhere she wants to go. As long as it is safe. With small mama, everything is fun and never boring. Tuk loves the times where her hair is braided or she braids small mama’s hair.
Now, if small mama would use her avatar, nothing much would change. Except that now the kids will demand piggy back rides. Tuk or lo’ak would be front of the line for that.
Hunting would be easier and much more fun with jake and neytiri, running, riding their ikrans, less risk overall.
Even with her avatar, she is still short compared to her two mates. She is smaller than Neytiri by 9 ½ inches. Not something she is super thrilled about. No matter what body, she is still small mama through and through.
Small mama is forever grateful to live her best life with her family, loving them and saying her thanks to Eywa for blessing her to be the best of her two worlds. Through hardships, through trials, small mama has a mighty heart and a roar of an ikran. Yes sometimes she might be stressed or frustrated but life is not perfect. Small mama knows that all too well. But there is nothing better than what she has.
#avatar#avatar the way of water#na'vi x reader#na'vi avatar#avatar 2#na'vi x human#lo'ak#neteyam sully#kiri#jake sully#jake x y/n#jake x reader x neytiri#jake x reader#jake x neytiri#jake x mc#jake sully avatar#jake sully x neytiri#jake sully x reader#jake sully x reader x neytiri#neytiri te tskaha mo'at'ite#neytiri x reader#neytiri sully#neytiri x jake#neytiri avatar#neytiri x human reader#neytiri x you#neytiri x y/n#neteyam x human reader#neteyam x reader#neteyam x you
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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